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" Have been a lot of songs about breaking up -- today it is very it was hard to do this is Arthur Alexander talking about the same subject. And the breaking up often ends with the excuses like. I just need some space. Only decree. Could steal that line from the TV commercial that says I prefer my -- view. WIC's owned Kathleen. Albeit dot com and now she is compiled and edited collection of some of the best of them and her new book from -- one called relationship bits. And pleased to welcome capping her into partial Kathleen high Leonard you've been working and his department how many years. Wow. Since 2001. -- is cumulative prevalence. Not really. Did you initially right your relationship of it is a form of self therapy or can this via a kind of a form of revenge."

" It's really wasn't a form of revenge it was just that nothing else was working and two weeks after. My -- and I broke up my father died so there was sort of a wrecking ball in my life of loss."

" And you actually wrote an obituary for your father. The sort of obituary that we often write that gets published in the newspaper."

" Exactly and the local newspaper where my parents when I wrote one and it -- strangely comforting just immersing myself in the details of his life. And and men at the idea was relieved that I had another obits -- right and it just wouldn't go way it was like a fruit fly in my mind."

" Did your ex boyfriend know about the obituary in the room."

" Eventually I sent it to Hammond asked him if he thought it was accurate. And what these things and he said yes and I also invited him to write his own and that. He said. Thank you very much -- out."

" Because he did wannabes and perspective is that part of the problem."

" And he didn't say what it was spent I assume that might be part of it. Has he followed website you know and is he aware of the book well since he's sort of dead to me I wrote his obituary --"

" How did you come to create relationship -- be -- dot com that's a big jump from writing one for yourself."

" Well either there is there is this sort of freefall feeling after breaking up and it felt. You know beyond chest pain and felt like panicky despair at the senseless feeling that just wouldn't go way. And I was just so fascinated people are talking about it all the time it was beyond the cliches of the break up songs are. You know jamming ice cream in your face or hooking up with someone and and so -- direct the wrote the -- for my relationship. I wondered if other people might wanna do the same."

" A lot of people just on my priest today. Got to get passes. It and let -- go. Let it down at the you can politico."

" It would let me go it's just it's just kind of -- me and and the thing is. You know when you go through break -- you feel like a failure and so you feel like he should just. You know dump all those years in the trash it and an obituary is a somewhat elegant form. And you know that -- asked you know who -- survivors that's the cause of death. All of those things and it's a place to put the remains of the relationship."

" Well many people will create web site and then nobody will come how did you get people come -- earth."

" Well it certainly wasn't high tech element of the website it really looks like a newspaper obituary page. We had a that's clever well it's just it was simple I'm pretty low -- and you know as a reporter on interest in people's stories so I was interested if anyone would. Have some remains they needed to put aside and it was a slow process that first. Well I had a soft on tonight's sort of pestered friends and acquaintances you know to write an obituary for there. You know not put to rest relationships and and then we had a lunch party and from the launch party got a little press and then they -- and mostly men mostly women. There's a good combination I mean one would think I guess that's sort of cliche is that more women we do it but you'd be surprised by how many men. Other -- ones usually funding. I know I'm I'm partial to the funny ones I think that a funny open it because it contains full sadness and humor is like. It's just. It's just contains everything did you find any shocking. Of course. Can you share completely that's. I just thought I would let your imagination run wild there's a there's a few books that -- pretty shocking to me there's a woman. Who went out with. Die young man for two weeks in 1963. And she never still holding onto it yes never got over him. -- hit -- I would say that was justification for breaking up with -- actually. All right well she went on to marry someone else and she named her son Tom which was the -- its name from 1963."

" And her husband does -- know that well. I don't know. And what about the funny ones. They had these just funny because of the situations of funny or do you find yourself thinking gee this person should be reading sitcoms."

" You know it's not a whole thing of like turning something dark in -- you know it's a transformational process of you know. The gallows humor and so the jokes on you and then you can sort of laugh at yourself and did the most ridiculous things can happen especially in love."

" The book is organized with -- all the different excuses that people come up went to. To break up and then each entry ends with their survived by any war famous last words yet. So people are following a certain format that you provided."

" We have a ten play and on the website so you know not everyone who comes to the website is you know that -- writer or likes to write. And so this sort of jobs people's memory because it's on the details. You know them the more details the more very specific. Little elements about the relationship the more interesting the open it and hopefully the mountains the more cathartic."

" My guess is Kathleen Hearn who is compiled and edited relationship ovitz the final resting place for love gone wrong. And it is now available in paperback from harper won which is an imprint of harpercollins. And it's 2%. Funny book but one that people will. Probably recognize experiences of their own and there's certain times of the year when you receive a lot more for example I would think Valentine's they would be particularly rough time."

" It's you know Christmas New Year's Eve and -- rolled into one four. Romance for relationships."

" On Valentine's Day. Even 2000 and -- you actually be held to wait for people whose relationships and I did that become an annual event."

" It it it it it hasn't you know there's there's only been one Valentine's Day since then and we didn't have a awake for love band but you know a fight get a good deal lot of costs and you know I can maybe get rented every year we had huge. Black coffin and people wrote paper valentines to their access and put -- in the --"

" Well you can dosages and put them in in Herndon and cremate them there's there's many ways to assertive later means stressed. A few audio -- touch on young love meeting someone too early in life in high school -- college. Does meeting someone too young in life make it more likely for a doomed failed relationship."

" I think so but. Certainly. You're less jaded here in -- more open and and may be more vulnerable to getting hurt."

" This is did you find certain common threads running through all of them even though you've written a very different kinds of people."

" I think that this the common thread is that people often -- patterns. And so I -- even though of this relationship might have died because of you know they preferred pabst blue red and over that more. You know. They just couldn't get over there -- other acts. They saw that they often dated the same kind of person man is so. That's sort of fascinating."

" And did you learn anything from this because it did start with your own obituary."

" Definitely. That the one thing about ending deaths or relationships ending. Lifer in the relationship -- earnings inspect. Anything that and at least you you can look at it and and and and see -- what it is it's all contained there's a beginning middle and an end and so you can see any themes that are going on. And I certainly saw some in my -- relationship."

" What about the the theme that we're hearing more more about these days people meeting online. Through online dating services. Tons of that. Lots of he and I tend to be similar. Well -- the Internet to future."

" One woman said you know I went on. -- this website would help me. A lot of lonely people out there of."

" Course. And I guess. And we've learned that online dating is you know is the most effective way to meet the right person. That's an understatement. So. This books published. These on these relationships have been put to rest but how what was the the but -- do. You still being inundated."

" Not inundated -- there is a steady flow. And you know when when it's when a website of the book is written up. We -- keep more people hear about it and then more people post their obituaries recently we had an article in the independent of London. And a lot of -- from the UK port and."

" That there is some of these are really are quite intelligent like there's one I just opened two there were no survivors from this relationship. Has he put -- so eloquently on the -- of their relationship I love you just not the way you need me to. Commit those words and and it. Now I think this rather credit way to end a relationship touch here."

" There are so many -- tender relationship I mean. The book is organized by cause of death and that's the difference between a regular obituary and a relationship obituary is. In in a in a regular a bit and you focus on the life. And in relation to -- refocus on the cause of death a little bit more because. There are so many fascinating ways that people break up we may get together in similar ways they're attracted to each other they hook up you know I like your eyes. But the cause of death are very specific."

" I wonder if there's I thought about doing a follow -- book. Well I under the you can do other kinds of obits is vote and -- Certainly certainly I'm just focusing on this -- it's only been out for two weeks that I haven't ruled anything out. And my part of the major press tour. Absolutely. There one thing Kathleen -- for being an air show today capping her and creator of relationship -- dot com. That the book relationship -- bids in the final resting place for love gone wrong published by harper won. It's been a pleasure having you here and not having meaning in the studio rather than watching you walked by as I talk to other people on the -- it's been thrilled to be here Atlanta thank you. Thanks for listening to WNYC on demand. Please check out the other programs at wnyc.org. Or on iTunes. This is a free service made available by our listeners. Become a member of WNYC today."